Doctor Ja Arimasen, Kenkyuusei Desu

To all the professors that read this blog:

What was it like for you when you first saw your name in print?

I can easily tell you how I felt.

As my crazy grammar teacher goes to explain the concept of surprise with intransitive verbs (the devils themselves) – “‘Oh my god-do’ desu.”

Multiply that by a million.



This weekend was the East Asian Urban and Architecture History Conference – everyone probably already knows this by now. Obviously, since my paper was accepted, I knew that it was going to be published – but it’s quite another thing when you ACTUALLY see it in print and you hold the physical copy in your hands. The longer version of my undergrad thesis is on the internet, but books and journals are still preferred.

When I got my hands on the conference proceedings, I searched for my paper. When I found it – in Volume II – I just kept looking at it. That’s my NAME! Interspersed with people who have PhDs and graduate students with Master’s degrees, my name is THERE! The volume has an actual ISBN number! I practically molested the book – I just kept hold it and turning back to my paper to look at it the whole day.

I was a bit nervous about my presentation – I had timed myself and was a bit over the time but I figured I would just play it by ear and talk really fast. I was supposed to be second in my panel, but the first person wasn’t there so I went first. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t very prepared to go first because I knew I was going to be second. I wasn’t able to get to my last slide, but that was alright.

The kicker was when the moderator (who was Japanese) tried to pronounce my last name. It’s pretty simple for a Greek name, but imagine if it was something like “Hatzicharalambous.” She says my name but calls me “Dr. Marangos.” Again they do that – oh dear, it is a nice feeling but I still feel that I need to correct them because it’s not true. Plus, I was still afraid that with my presentation, my head was going to be put on the butcher block and I have this feeling that students have a bit more license to make mistakes. So in front of everyone, I say “Iie, sumimasen, doctor ja arimasen, kenkyuusei desu.” (Sorry, but I am not a doctor, I am a research student.)

The interesting thing is I was placed in the “Modern Urban Planning” panel. The “modern” part I get easily – rule of thumb is anything after 1868 is “modern” no holds barred. I don’t do Tokugawa/Edo stuff so I am not in the fuzzy area – at least in that respect. What is fuzzy is under what sphere does my project really belong to? I thought I would be under “Modern Urban History” if anything but either the organizers know better, or there was too much in the latter panel and not enough in the former.

When I first got to Japan, I felt rather discouraged to be quite honest; I was afraid that I wouldn’t get enough of the language or even master it well enough to get even to the contemporary Japanese works. Every era of Japan has different Japanese as one person I met at the conference pointed out – he changed from Taisho to contemporary Japan simply because the Japanese was too hard. I knew that with my project I have in effect signed up for academic torture but before I came to Japan I felt that I could do it. When I came here, I felt very discouraged and thought that it was totally pointless and that maybe I should have listened to the relatives and done pre-med. Maybe it was the result of watching too much Grey’s Anatomy (that show is ridiculously addicting). I surely wasn’t the only one with the “GA Effect” – however, Alisa and me know that it isn’t as glamorous as it looks. McVet, McDreamy and McSteamy do not exist in real life. Pre-med is just as hard as mastering Japanese and company but at least it was in English.

Pretty much, I was at a standstill – as I told Professor S. of Columbia, I feel that there is this really really thick concrete wall called “Japanese and the Archives” in my way and I am barely making a dent in it. I have a chisel the size of a toothpick. I need a bloody sledgehammer, dammit. And that is what is really frustrating.

Being at this conference helped a lot in terms of whether or not all this is really worth it. I got a lot of good feedback about my paper from various professors back in the States and as Professor S. of Uni Sydney points out, my project falls under various “fields” if you will –

1) Architectural History
2) Cultural History
3) Urban Studies/History
4) Urban Planning
5) Modernity Theory
and
6) The overall narrative of Modern Japanese history

According to him, this is a good thing because it can appeal to many audiences at the same time. It’s multi-tasking. Problem for me come this summer and next fall – um…which graduate program do I apply to? I would have definitely wanted to work with Professor S. ,as according to one professor I met here, he is the “granddaddy of urban history” (Columbia) but he is in Kyoto now. Not Columbia. Plus, I want to work at Columbia (may the academic gods shine on me PLEASE come 6 years from now) and word on the academic street is, “Don’t go to school where you want to teach.” So anything in NYC proper is out (including NYU) and that idea is down and out on both counts.

Applying to grad school (the second time around!) is going to be a hell of a lot messier than I thought. I need to make charts again. And start emailing a lot of people. And do a lot of research on the profs and use my sister’s account to hack into JSTOR to see what these profs have been writing about. I am totally clueless right now so many things to consider, like can I take courses from multiple departments such as History and East Asian Civilizations? Can I take introductory courses on architectural theory and methodology? Will all of this count?!?!?!?

Bah bloody humbug. Nonetheless, in spite of the fact that I am now more confused than ever at least on the “What subject am I?” question, some good things came out of this conference:

1) I am published!
2) I meet people – who actually like my project
3) I get some more ideas on my project
4) Got some ideas for resources on project
5) Eye-opener in terms of the confusing question of “What subject am I?”
6) Get practice speaking in front of people
and
7) I really know that my project is worth something.

I have to start on my background reading – I know of a few books that I am going to definitely need to read all of so I am going to get those off of half.com for my own reference and get those shipped over to me here. I am going to meet Columbia Professor S. on Tuesday so I will ask for some more suggestions from him, and read his books while I am at it. And look up this one Japanese guy – he was mentioned in a paper so I am going to look up that exact reference. I need to be proactive, so that’s why I am going to look up the book (And read Nippon VOGUE for fun as well. If I am going to read Japanese magazines, might as well start with a good one.).

Say a prayer – I am taking the plunge.