Random Bullets of...Stuff, I Guess

1) Thank you all for the birthday wishes! It was very sweet of you all who dropped a line, I appreciate it very much.

2) I just submitted School D. Oh my god, finishing that one was killer - an hour and a half to figure out one final sentence!

3) I am not so sure I want to go to School D anymore. Not because it is far (heck, School E is right across the road so to speak in the same 'hood) but because I was looking at the J-History profs and they aren't in line with what I am researching. I am preparing myself for a rejection from them. No problem by me (I sorta like School E if I HAD to choose between the schools. Plus, School E is closer to a city :::cough cough - civilization - cough cough:::. Being near a metropolitan area is important to me - I don't want to get cabin fever. School D is near the same city but you need a car more.)

4) Lotsa knitting done. I also had two hours before class because I finished my midterm (See number 4) and took a nap. As well as knitted. Will put up a more dedicated knitting post later.

As such, most of the madness is over. I have Yo-Yo Ma playing non-stop, apartment is a mess, laundry isn't done, but it's all ok.

It's My Birthday and I'll Eat Ice Cream if I Want To

You know how one can tell if she is really, truly, 23?

The age changed automatically in her blogger profile. On a blue note, grad apps have made me so wound-up that several months ago, my friend and I figured out that I was having my quarter-life crisis (there was a point that I was considering to screw academia and go to law school, which for my friend was a troubling reaction to see from me, considering I never said a peep about law school before). I have always been a bit mature for my age (so people tell me) so I wasn't surprised that it came at 22 as opposed to 25.

I am 23. Hmm. Interesting. It has a nice ring to it. 22 is still too close to 21, the "Yeah! I'm finally legal! LET'S PARTY!" age.

Life is like wine - it gets better with age.

And I truly mean that. I am still in my early 20's but 20-22 was awkward. I'm looking forward to my mid and late 20s.

For my birthday, I celebrated twice. Last Friday, I went with Waiyee for Indian food, and to the Light-Up at Kiyomizu-Dera. Kiyo is very famous for it's fall foliage. So famous that the place is crowded with tourists and the temple extends it's hours till 9:30pm with strategic lighting displays. For all its touristyness, it was very pretty. That white stick in the third picture is Kyoto Tower. It's downright ghastly close-up, but gorgeous at night. The view of the city from Kiyo is amazing (I have been there once before when Justine came in June).

The Indian food? DELICIOUS. I have had a craving for Indian food for while. It's a chain, and they opened a branch in mine and Waiyee's neighborhood. Reason number 13454 why I love my neighborhood. Affordable (1300yen for a dinner set), AUTHENTIC (it's run by Indians) and tasty (with 5 different levels of spicy; I had level 3) Indian food.

After Kiyomizu, we walked up back to Shijo and had cake, to which Waiyee treated me at Lipton. I had a waffle with bananas, vanilla and chocolate mousse ice cream and chocolate syrup and English Breakfast tea. I was stuffed.

Today, I went to Very Berry on Nijo-Kawaramachi with some girls from the study abroad class that I became friends with. Very Berry is an institution, with American style sundaes. I always make it a point to have ice cream on my birthday; as a winter baby I never really had ice cream cakes as a kid. Now, I make sure I have ice cream every year.

Most of them had not been to the Nijo-Kawaramachi branch (it is a chain, I have been to the one in Teramachi). Alisa and I went to it the first time in September, and loved it. It was in a restored machiya which adds a lot of charm to the place.

Yum! Emily and I split a club sandwich of cream cheese, avocado and salsa - on my way back home, I stopped at the supermarket and got the ingredients for it, hmm, might make one again! We also split a raspberry sundae.

I had a lot of fun. I also got some cute gifts which they really, truly didn't have to, but it was very nice of them. Unfortunately, I didn't get any pics of the sundaes, but don't worry. Very Berry won't be going anywhere and I KNOW I am going back. Again. Many. more. times. In the meantime, you can drool over their menu.

When I got back home, I actually wanted to listen to some classical music, but I deleted some stuff off my iTunes in a deleting frenzy (I still have the CDs back home). So I browsed on iTunes and picked out Yo-Yo Ma's "Bach: The Cello Suites." Amazing, relaxing music to listen too. I heard some other stuff which was good, but for now a solo cello is good for concentration. I might get this Renaissance chorale CD in a week or two, once my mind is not so frazzled anymore.

I submitted School E, aka the application from hell. Thank god that one is done.
Tomorrow: School D. By the end of this week is Schools B and H for sure (I want to mail out my supplementary materials, THEN click the "submit" button.)

By the end of this weekend, I will have Schools A and G done. All that is left are essays for this fellowship (since I had to submit SOMETHING for that for School E, I have it like 90% done) and financial aid application, which all the schools don't require.

Bite Me in the Bum, Why Don't You

Maybe it was a sign.

Or karma?

First off, it's my birthday today and I am still working on grad apps. I told myself I wouldn't do that, but deadlines are deadlines, and I am at the "checking-afraid to press the submit button" stage. School C is done. I meant to do School F yesterday but I had a little problem.

You see, I was cleaning out some stuff off my hard drive which involved multiple copies of my personal statement.

I ended up deleting one of the two essays for Schools E and F. Oh $%*&^.

So, whilst wishing I had Leopard for my Mac because of the Time Machine feature, I tried to use some data recovery programs. But I had to pay to get all the features. Pfft.

Luckily, I had a draft on my USB stick, so I banged it out again and actually polished it a bit. Submitted it this morning (Side note: Schools B and H are ready to go, but I am afraid to click on the "submit" button. Once I mail out my stuff next week, then I know it's for real and will click on that button.).

This was a bit of deja vu for me. Why?

The day before I had to mail out my application for my scholarship, I forgot to email it to myself from work. In the summer the office was closed on Fridays. So I had to re-write the WHOLE thing. I didn't have a draft backed up. Nothing.

And as all of you know, I ended up with the scholarship.

So maybe this is a sign. It bites me in the bum but still, one can hope this is a sign for the good since the last time, it turned out very nicely.

If I Just....BREAAAATHE

I just submitted my first grad school application, School C. I just also realized that I sent my supplementary materials to the History Department as opposed to the Grad School Admissions Office - some schools want the actual department, some schools want the admissions office. I bet I wouldn't be the first one, and it's there already so I know they probably noticed what was up. So I will call them tonight (when it is Friday morning).

Thing is, the deadlines are weird: I didn't know if I qualify under the Non North-American deadline (December 1, which is a Saturday so December 3) because I am in Japan, or the North American deadline, since I am a US Citizen, I am just living abroad. Just to cover my arse, I submitted it today, 10pm EST, November 29. A good 4 days before the deadline for NNA.

I just got the congratulatory email, that I successfully completed the application. Congratulatory, my bum. I get email notification on whether or not I got in my March 15.

MARCH 15. Three and a half MONTHS. Oh, jeez I am going to have a heart attack by then - if I am in the Philippines in the end of February, you can bet I am going to nag The Aussie everyday to take me to an internet cafe. That, or let my sister check my email for me.

Next: School B and School F. Then tomorrow, Schools D, and E.

I added another school at the last minute, which is in the same city as School A as another safety. Prof. L. submitted his rec letter for it and I Prof. O's letter in hand so I figured why not, might as well since I have all the materials for it. So in terms of hierarchy, it is above School G (and is in the same city as School A, you can tell I REALLY want to stay in the tri-state area) but because it's a last minute addition (deadline is Dec 12 so I am all good actually) it is School H.

Final count: 8 grad schools. I really, never EVER want to know how much I paid for all this: transcript requests, mailings, fees (I applied for a waiver for School C let's see what happens), etc. etc.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

Oh Yes, Wait a Minute Mister Postman

I really don't get a lot of mail in Japan. My sister STILL has not sent me her postcard to me from Italy - HINT HINT Little Sister if you are reading this - and the only thing I get on a regular basis are bills.

No, I don't like mail like that. That sort of mail does not count.

This month looks to be a banner month for mail, because of swaps, birthday and Christmas. I LOVE getting mail.

So imagine my joy when I saw a bright pink bubble envelope poking out of my mailbox. In the mailbox was the package from my birthday swapper! I sent out her package yesterday (big holiday last weekend so no post office for most of the latter end of last week) and in it was yarn. Smooshy, smooshy yarn!

Specifically, Patons SWS in "Natural Denim" - 70% wool, 30% soy in a beautiful variegated blue. I also got a knitting magazine called "Knit Simple" and it has CABLE patterns! I am totally addicted to cable patterns - like I mentioned to my swapper, I am learning how to cable without a cable needle. Squee!!!

I like mail.
I like yarn.

I also like knowing that the second essay for schools E & F is done. All that's left is the fellowship essay - I have my points, but right now I really don't care much for it because if I get into the school, they give me funding anyway. So this is just a supplemental thing, and for the other schools I can tweak it more because they are due in January, and even February, but I will get them done before Christmas. School E wants it this-very-minute, along with the application.

Boo to School E, but yeah for yarn! Smooshy, smooshy yarn.

Sutoresu!!! Sutoresu!!!

Stress!!! Stress!!!

This is what I get for procrastinating. However, being in Japan means I am 14 hours ahead of the United States (at least the East Coast and that part of the Great Lakes that is on EST), which works for me because:

It means I have an extra day for the grad school materials to arrive on time in the States.

I am such a procrastinator. I wait till the week before the first round of grad apps are due (this weekend, exactly) to submit the stuff in the mail. granted it was via EMS, Japan's version of Global Priority, and according to BOTH the Japanese and English websites it will get to the States in two days.

I go to the post office and mail my stuff. Then I ask for confirmation. In Japan I always double check in case I missed something; I may ask the same question 3 times in 3 different ways but it has worked so far.

"Well, it is the holidays, so it could take maybe a week."

A week? WHAT holidays? The country isn't even Christian! Christmas was imported after WW2 for crying out loud and turned into a couple's holiday! (Which is why I hate Christmas in Japan even more. Mel isn't here and everyone and their mother on Shijo is holding hands.)

I freak out. All day. Couldn't do alot of work on my essays. I meet up with Prof. S. before class and he asks how I'm doing, and I tell him what's going on. He told me to not worry. Given Prof. S's experience, I trust his answer. So I am not freaking out so much.

At least EMS has tracking numbers. As of 1:15am Japan time on 11/26 (lunchtime EST 11/25) it was at the Osaka Int'l Post Office. I am guessing it will be on a plane by the end of today.

I can only hope.

I did finish the academic essay for schools E and F.

The Bell Lap

I can't run. I know there is a proper way to run, but I actually physically can't do it. For one thing, my Achilles tendons are too tight, so I don't run heel-toe, heel-toe. I used to just walk on my toes, but several years of consciously thinking, "heel-toe, heel-toe" has somewhat remedied that.

In short, don't expect me to run in a marathon. I have however, volunteered in the NY Marathon one year as a chip clipper at the finish line. Kinda yucky since some runners have sweat streaming down to their sneakers, but it was fun. I want to cycle a marathon. That, I think I can do.

I can see the finish line, regarding my grad apps. At least for my personal statement. I have brainstormed for the two essays for the other schools (two schools want TWO essays, the meanies), and have a good idea of what I want to write. But the essay for the other schools?

I hate it. I am constantly second-guessing myself, and have resorted to looking at my resume (since I had to fix it and add Australia on it) for some comfort, to prove to myself that I have done significant stuff, that I am a viable candidate, that yes I do care about the program and I have proof that I am one of the most dedicated and hardcore candidates that you got.

Still, I hate my essay. I don't know what else I can do to it to make it better, which is a sign that it's done. I just need to polish up the closing and add "Why I want to go to X school."

400 people apply.
20-25 get accepted.

One also needs to realize that there are more than 5-6 different fields. So it's about 3-5 people per regional section. At School B, they only accept TWO people for the East Asia track. I am presuming that it's 1 China and 1 Japan.

The odds are not looking good.

That final lap is always the hardest.

Ooooouuuccchhh....

Head hurts.

School E (or was it D? Who cares) is kicking my butt. They want me to calculate my GPA four different ways! Bloody nitpicky. I think this is the worst of the bunch - this is the one that I have to write two essays for. PLUS, I can only send a 10-page max writing sample. At least they aren't that sado-masochistic, because they also mentioned that in lieu of a whole writing sample, I can provide a 10-page excerpt with a cover letter. Phew. The rest of the schools are around 20 pages, one is 25 pages minumum.

Guess who is going to be playing with formatting tools on Word!

Fits and Starts

I seem to be working on my grad applications in fits and starts. A half hour here, an hour there. My draft is done, and now I am fixing it which makes me happy (thanks to a friend with amazing editing capabilities, London Adviser hasn't responded yet) so it will prob be done this week. Maybe. I try not to cry or be terrified of them too much - I have done that and now I am ready to bring it.

I have given myself two days - or rather an afternoon and a day - known as "Grad Apps Day." I will hunker down, and just work on grad apps. I plan to do these twice a week - Wednesday afternoons and all day Friday - till the deadline. Hopefully, I will get ALOT done, since I am planning to print out all related papers and forms on Tuesday and maybe even the paper version of the applications so that I don't have to go online. Thus, I am not tempted by internet demons and I can work on my apps in a cafe. Time to hunker down, and kick some application booty.

Fits and starts is also representative in my knitting. Mel's scarf is going by really slowly, simply because the yarn is so thin and it takes forever (I think it's fingering weight). Not so sure if I will finish it so it's mailed by Christmas, considering the other project I want to make for him. Then, I made one slipper which was meant for me, and I realized that I have too much yarn (I got enough for two pairs incidentally), so then I decided to give them to a friend and then make another pair for me.

Might I add that I LOVE Takumi needles? My new size 10 needles (JPN13) are by Takumi and they were a joy to knit with. I LOVE wooden needles. Can't wait to get to my Takumi circulars, though my DPN's are another brand since they were cheaper. I can totally tell the difference between my 100yen needles and the Takumi's. Dream is to replace 100yen needles with Lantern Moon needles - I think I am a wooden needles knitter.

My sister saw them over Skype and wanted a pair, so I will finish this pair, mail them to her in my little care package that has been sitting on my floor for a month, then make the other pair for my friend. The slippers are a really quick and affordable knit (and turns out I bought enough yarn for two pairs), so it's no matter if I don't get my own pair later rather than sooner. I have to admit, I think I did the overcast stitch quite nicely.

Maybe I will also make a pair of slippers for Mel for Christmas and birthday (he is December, like me). It's DIY this year, though I will be getting him a model Shinkansen train set (but I am waiting to see if they made a model of the newest version of the Shinkansen which came out in July and is f*&$-ing fast). I got him a 19th-century Japanese train engine last year. As you can tell, he collects train sets; I have actually gotten all of them for him too. Guys are hard to shop for, unless they have hobbies.

In other news, I went to Emi's school's November Festival. It involved a lot of eating, and Japanese kids speaking to me in English the minute they saw me. Nonetheless, it was fun. I got there a bit early, so I walked around the (hilly) campus which is in the NE part of Kyoto, carved into the mountains; I found a pond and sat down. I had my knitting with me and my camera; my new banner is a (edited) photo of the pond. It was such a gorgeous say, and so serene, I wanted a photo of myself there. So, I figured out the self-timer and took a photo of myself. The unfortunate thing is, the background noise was not serene silence, but Japanese college boys playing REALLY BAD rock music. Luckily, photos don't emit sound.

Kill Me. Now.

I hate writing my personal statement...

I hate writing my personal statement...

I hate writing my personal statement...

Oh, Sunny Day

Yesterday was quite sunny so yeah for new sunglasses! I can't help it - aviators really make you feel bad-ass, lol. One girl said all I was missing was a bomber jacket. Now THAT would have looked awesome with my outfit yesterday: v-neck plum sweater, cream pashmina scarf tied around my neck, dark jeans tucked into riding boots. Pity it's still sort of hot and I would not buy a bomber jacket in Japan.

(On an interesting note, one girl pointed out that should I go to Australia, I should get a new pair of Uggs there - we were talking about chucking clothes when we leave japan and I told her I'm going to toss my 3-year old pair.)

Today I am taking my placement test for my Japanese classes after my CA-class. This week has been a bit messy, though I did get some work on my personal statement done yesterday.

I am about 90% done with the draft: just need to finish up the research section, random paragraph on my I want to go to school A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J (yep TEN schools, I just haven't figured out which school is which letter in the alphabet for the appropriate pseudonymous moniker and I deleted one from the list but added another) and a closer on "What the hell do I plan to do with a Ph.D in Japanese urban history." The latter part is sorta done because of the Master's application go-round (half of my personal statement is my master's recycled but polished anew and updated).

Going to a club thing tonight with some of my s/c's from my class; one of the girls is a musician and she is performing. I listened to some of her songs from MySpace and I love it! It's a mix of jazz and folk, think a youngier and edgier Madeliene Peyroux with some Feist mixed in maybe? Looking forward to it and if she is selling cd's I will definitely buy one.

Then this weekend is a matsuri at my local shrine - part of a project for the class I am a CA for. Oy vey and Japanese classes start up in full swing next week. I am going to be busy, busy, busy.

And then there is the gym. I WILL stick to the Self-Goal plan, I think I can I think I can, I want that J.Crew dress, I want that J.Crew dress...

KICKIN'!!! And Knittin'

This is just so awesome!!!

First, my old advisor from Fordham comes to Kyoto on his way to China and I meet up with him.

Second, he tells me that he will write me a rec letter for grad school.

Third, my advisor over at Rits agrees to write me a rec letter.

Fourth, my advisor back from London agrees to write me a rec letter...and is currently in Osaka for the next nine months. I will probably get to meet up with him in the first time in about two years - June 2005 was the last time I saw him.

That is just so kickin'! If it weren't for London advisor, I would not really be here right now. He was the one that told me about my scholarship, let me sit in on his grad class as a junior and helped me start my undergrad thesis which is now my research project.

Fifthly, I finished my first ball of yarn for Alisa's scarf, and it is now about 21cm. I forgot what that was in inches, but I have 10 40g balls of this stuff and I did the math - it will be just about 6 to 6.5 feet. I am going to add tassels, just to funk it up a bit.

I even mastered the skill of adding on another piece of yarn from a new ball - granted its the same color, but whatever. My Knit Knack kit suggests that one way to do it is to "knit with both strands for 2 or 3 stitches, to secure it then continue to work with the new yarn alone...weave loose ends later into the knit fabric." Well, I just did my first knitting mod (to me at least) - instead of leaving loose ends, I just kept knitting with both strands till I had no more of the old yarn. No loose ends to weave in later! Saves a step.

Unfortunately, the one non-kickin'is is my GSPS - Grad School Personal Statement. Remember that acronym! It feels quite messy, but I will try to finish something of the sort tomorrow to type up and print.

Welcome to the Rat Race

My mom's crazy friend who I regularly chat with (and is good fun) has a son who is now applying for pre-med to the top undergrad schools. According to her, there is a bubble of applicants who are the kids of the baby boomers and there are just simply too much of them; it's not going to burst till 2009 and already last year there were stories of the top schools turning away 4.0 and 2400 SAT combos.

Yikes.

And what does this have to do with me?

I am entering the rat race as well - again, this time the Ph.d edition. Ladies and gentlemen on your marks! Get set!

Go!!! And write that personal statement!!!

Oh, heaven help me. I just got off the phone of one of the schools that I am eyeing because I had applied to them before in the Master's edition two years ago; they deleted my application after a year so I have to start from scratch. No prob. The lady was nice and she even remembered me.

What threw me off the loop was this tip she told me: said school only accepts TWO PEOPLE usually into the History Ph.d-East Asia track. What I can do if I really, really, really want this school is to also apply for the Master's...again. And it would be very likely - not guaranteed - that I could get into the Ph.d two years down the line, but there won't be funding because duh it's a masters program and the master's kids feed the Ph.d kids (but they don't really know that most of the time)....the more I think about it, the more I don't want to do that - apply to both, that is. There is also the matter of me paying duplicate application fees and I am already applying to 9 other schools (but one is hopefully free - one that I was accepted to and deferred).

Ugh...now I am very scared. VERY.VERY.SCARED.

There are about 20 students per year at most of the programs I am looking at and obviously there is more than one track in the department.

I want to crawl into a hole right now.

Sitting in a Very Tiny Boat, Floating in a VERY Large Ocean

I requested my transcripts for application to grad school last week. I have been having some freakouts these past few months, mainly consisting of "What am I going to do with my life?" and "Do I really want to do a Ph.d in History?", "Is it worth it?", etc. etc.

Recently, I have been going through that period of stress that college seniors usually get in their final semester, I didn't have because I knew what I was going to do after college back in January '06. That's pretty early. So, it's a very delayed reaction, to the point that I was considering going to law school, but I don't think that's a good fit for me. So for now, Plan A is to submit applications, and think for the next 7 months. I have all the paperwork (sans personal statement) ready for "Ph.d History applications" so I might as well put them in. Besides, one of them is going to be free.

Prof. S. put me in contact with a 6th year Ph.d. student over at one of the schools that I am seriously, seriously eyeing. I called him up yesterday and we had a nice chat. I reiterated what I told PRof. S. about my anxieties regarding grad school: "Sometimes I feel that I am in this very tiny boat, in a very large ocean."

I am all by myself in Japan, at least departmental-wise. I do not have access to the research lab/room for the kids in my department (we need to swipe IDs and the grad student was really surprised to hear that) and the grad students going for a degree treat me like I am over there, and they are over here. Like Iam this wierd species, and I seriously think one of them just hates me on principle because I am not Japanese, in the same program that he is in and that I am just taking up space since I am on scholarship and not going for a degree.

It's extremely hierarchical there and I hate it. I wished I was back over at Kyodai or something bcause in all seriousness, the only good thing about Rits is my professor. Even my friends who were research students were granted access into the research labs when they were research students at Kyodai. I just have the overcrowded library.

Which is why next semester, I am quite happy that I am just going in once a week on Thursdays for my sensei's seminar; I can study in the library at Kyodai which is nicer and I have my computer access code still in use, and Chen's extra library card to get in. And I will save money too - taking the bus took quite a toll on my fiannces everyday and I coulnd't get the collge discount because I was not considered an actualy college student. Load of crap that was.

In short, I had no one to talk to about grad school especially those in the US and I was freaking out. 6th year student told me that it was totally normal and everyone in the first year goes through that "WTF am I doing here?" phase. It's good to know that I am not the only one, but let me tell you, Japan is lonely. Good thing I am going to TA this semester, else I would not have much to look forward too, really.

There is a big pause button on my life, being in Japan and while I do enjoy my time there and an gratefull for my experiences there I am ready to move onward. Even if that means scaring the crap out of myself, and stepping into unknown and unsure territory.

I made a schedule for this coming semester this time, blocking out periods of time to do things, since I am only going to be in class for no more than 6 hours a week, with Ta-ing, Bungo lessons with my sensei and me twiddling my thumbs in the back of his seminar.

I tried it last semester and while it was good in theory, I totally messed up because I took too many classes. I think I am not going to take Japanese in the fall at Kyodai if I can (rather study on my own for JLPT), save say one composition course or something, no more than two or three. I have not tried a composition course yet, and I would like to jazz up my speaking and listening maybe (though I hardly doubt I'll take the listening, I didn't like the one I took last time). Mybe not speaking either, since I plan to rejoin the KIXS (International Student exchange group at Kyodai) and just start talking at the weekly dinners.

But I will continue with the gym. I was thinking of ending my membership but I can afford it if I budget. I was a totaly mess last semester.