Beginning is Easy, Continuing is Hard

"Nani goto mo hajimeru no wa tayasui keredo, tsudzukeru no wa muzukashii."

That was the proverb that I used in my speech at my college's diploma ceremony this past saturday.

I was Fordham College at Lincoln Center's Salutatorian for the class of 2006 - we don't have Valedictorians, and you need to be nominated for it. I was told that I have to give a speech on May 12, which gave me less than a week to figure something to talk about. I was totally shocked when the Dean told me - I am not one of the most popular/well-known people on campus (part of it is because I commuted, so I never really was on campus) so I figured something like that wouldn't happen.

So what did I speak of?

Whole Foods, Jamba Juice, the NYC Blackout in 2003, Bosox-Yanks rivalry and how my class is filled with ambitious and crazy people. Everyone said later that they loved the speech and laughed about my Whole Food crack (seriously, that and the Time Warner Center is my school's hangout, albeit an upscale one).

And then, I cried.
At the podium.

I am still a bit mortified, but the people took it pretty well I guess - I kept on hearing, "Aww," "We love you!" "Let it all out!" etc. from my classmates. I was going to say, "If I let it all out, you guys won't be getting your diplomas," but instead I said "Sorry, I'm a big mush." Apparently, when I cried, I let a stream of waterworks amongst my class, according to my friend Cat, two girls were blubbering "S-S-She's so *sniff* r-r-r-right."

If I wasn't the Salutatorian, I would be sitting next to Cat, muttering to one another because what else can you do at a graduation? At the main ceremony, one kid was smoking, two were reading books and another listening to an iPod. Chris Matthews talked a little too long about being in Swaziland in the 1960s as a Peace Corps volunteer.

So instead of talking to my friends, I had to listen to two professors sitting behind me during the diploma ceremony (because I had to sit on the STAGE, I just wanted to hide) commenting on the girls' shoes - whether it be flats, flip-flops, boots, or sky-high heels. Apparently, "Dirty-Dancing" shoes are making a comeback - I kind of got myself a pair from J.Crew (where else?) but they are brown suede, not gold. They came in gold, and in black, but I needed brown to go with my skirt. Very popular at the senior cruise, which was a bit of a dissapointment, although it was fun.

Captain Underwear proudly re-revealed himself, just as he did 4 years ago at Orientation. Dean Grimes announced the accomplishments of our class, and my friend Marc wore 5 Hawaiian leis with his cap and gown, as his family came from Hawaii and California. I had my family come up from Florida, but his entourage was bigger than mine. I had 13 people with me. And I wrote my name in glitter on my hat, with stars and a heart. I wanted to do something silly for graduation, and my grandmother was probably going to complain that she flew up here to see just a sea of black hats. But what really got me was that my family - and everyone else's - were calling me nonstop on my cell phone!

"Where are you?"
"When is it starting?"
"How long is it going to take?"
"I want to take pictures!"
...............

This is what I get for being born in 1984 and being a part of the Millenial generation - not only do all my friends have cell phones, but our PARENTS have them too. I had to cut off my mom as I was going to the bathroom between breaks. PLEASE, leave me alone, I have to pee and I am sunburnt! And there was only on bathroom close enough to Martyr's Lawn and of course, all the girls had to pee. I think when the men's room was clear, half the girl's line went there.

Fr. McShane was the best when he said at the main ceremony that "hell froze over" when the Bosox beat the Yanks for the AL Pennant to go on and win the World Series last year. In true Fordham fashion, half the crowd cheered, and the other half booed and hissed. Needless to say, one can tell the major demographics of Fordham as a whole: NYC Metro/Tristate/Mid-Atlantic Area vs. New England. As I was in London last year, I was fortunately spared the humiliation. You can tell where my loyalties lie, even though I am a Queens girl.

This past weekend was a blur, especially at the bbq my family had: 40 people. Kerri's grad party was yesterday.

It's all over.

It's all very surreal right now, because I am still going to Fordham to my job at the law school. So it's like the past two summers, where I did work-study in the admissions office. I graduated, but I am still here. It's not going to hit me till I get on that plane to Japan.

The Japanese are right when they created that proverb. Continuing and keeping at it is hard. I feel like I have been on hyperdrive for 4 years. At least it paid off, and I get a nice 4 month break this summer (though I will still study Japanese, just to keep at it).

But still, I am so tired.

No.

That's what the Japanese Consulate told me today.

No, as in, Tokyo (MEXT) will not allow me to do both the Fulbright and the Monbusho concurrently. I was so flustered I didn't ask for a reason, and I didn't even dare ask for one. Don't even ask the "Well, can't you do one right after the other?" question, because the answer to that is no as well. The government says no (appropration of funds differs from year to year), my mother says no, the fiance (Mel) says no, and frankly, even I say no.

I know I haven't been to Japan yet and I am probably sure that once I get there I wouldn't want to leave, but I already have things waiting for me: a wedding and graduate school to name the two most important.

So this would have left me in a gut-wrenching decision, but I made my decision even during the application process (I tend to make contigency plans). If I only got the Fulbright, then I take the Fulbright. If I got both - I do the Monbusho. It is as simple as that in spite of obections from various parties. And here are the reasons that I have to reiterate to my nervous-wreck of a mother every so often:

1) Monbusho is longer. Hence, instead of reapplying to grad school theminuteIgettoJapan (which would be the case with Fulbright, as it is 10 months), I have a year to settle in, establish relationships for rec letters, and leisurely apply when the application period begins.

2) Even Japan Fulbrighters themselves said (in that little booklet that I got) that schools really do not know what to do with them. I don't want to be a "floater."

3) I can always reapply for a Fulbright to Japan, either in the Professor or the Grad Student/Dissertation category. If I went to Japan for more than 8 weeks prior to a reapplication for Monbusho (which would have been the case if I took a Fulbright) I would have immediately disqualified myself. And, it's not so clear as to whether or not I can reapply to a Monbusho if I declined them - there is very little information on the scholarship "on the inside" that is. Fulbright I know for a fact I can reapply - especially if it's in a different category.

4) I have to pay taxes on a Fulbright.

5) I am not on travel lockdown for Monbusho. So long as I do my work and play it safe, I can most likely travel on school holidays and still get my stipend.

I think that's more than enough cause to go on the Monbusho. Now, I return to my regular programming: typing up notes for Friday's Medieval History final, panicking about my thesis (it's HORRIBLE, I want to throw it into my shredder and never see it again), and typing up notes for final paper of the East Asian Cities tutorial (for which I had to pull a "get out of deadline free" card and ask for an extension, I just simply cannot do a thesis, paper and prepare for a final all for Friday. I thought I could, but I can't, especially when one is normally given two weeks to write a paper. In my entire 4 years as an undergrad, I have NEVER asked for an extension. But I can't pull 2 all-nighters in a row, I'll get sick again).

Testing, Testing, 123...Testing...

I work at the Office of Public Programming and Continuing Legal Education at my university's Law School. I run the a/v for programs and conferences, so I say aforementioned phrase alot.

So, I just want to test this "photo upload" feature that blogger has (and this makes blogger so much better than LiveJournal)...

Testing...


Testing...

1,2,3...

Testing...

Wow it worked! If anyone is curious as to who this lovelyball of fluff this is, he is my male cat Caesar. And yes, we do have a female cat who is named Cleopatra - my sister (Classics/Art History double major) named them. And despite being half his size, Cleo whoops Caesar's butt all the time. Here, he is wearing my mother's godson's old baby clothes - my sister just wanted to do it for kicks.Cleo's face (and body) is very delicate, she is petite and the runt and will still look like a kitten when she is 20 years old.

Give it To Me Straight

If it's one thing that I kind of know about Japanese people from the "Gaijin" perspective, it is that they are rather vague in their responses, ESPECIALLY when it come to business of one sort or another. I get a sense that they are vague - some are direct (like my language exchange partner, she is such a sweetheart) but I was always told that the language is designed to give hints and you need to draw the rest of the response from what they have said. According to a documentary on my "Animatrix" dvd, one of the Japanese filmakers stated that "Japanese is a language of subtraction."

That irks me - a bit. I have to learn patience when I go to Japan; turns out I need to learn the skill of addition as well, in a linguistics sense.

Which brings me to my point. I sent the Japanese Consulate in NYC a somewhat-panicky email concerning accomodation and who pays for it, nit-picky detials for my visa and about my stipend - which seemed to me that if I travel out of the country and don't check in at the school's office at the beginning and the end of the month, I don't get my stipend?

Huh? This means I can't go back home for a long stay in summer 2007, and that I would only have two weeks to find my wedding dress. Bah humbug! One remedy is to start looking this summer to get a basic idea of what works. Another idea was to go to the Isetan in Shinjuku (thought this means a trip to Tokyo but that's fine by me!) and try on dresses there - if they fit me, that is.

Back to vagueness.

The Consulate answered my visa questions pretty straightfoward - those were easy questions. The other ones irked me:
"1) Accommodation - I am afraid we don't have any information concerning your accommodations in Japan because each school has different policy. Please contact your school.

2) Enrollment - I know it is confusing.. basically, it is just to make sure that you go to school and utilize the opportunity. If your school finds you don't study hard, they have to report to the Ministry of Education. So don't worry about this, you will receive stipend regularly."

So what then - I CAN travel out of the country for like two months during summer holidays and still get my stipend? In retrospect, the Fulbright can cover my accomodation, provided that I do both. Haven't heard anything from Prestigious Fellowships, they were in meetings all day today. Bah. This is killing me, I realy want to know if I can do both and now I have to wait till MONDAY.

I need details! Just tell me straight!

Hmm, I am really wound-up. Let's hope going to Kyoto will slow me down a bit.